February 2012
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My mother and I were changing the words to Adele's...
Mom: Kristie, what soda do you want, Pepsi?
Me: Yeah... Wait. NEVER MIND I WANT SOME MOUNTAIINN DEWWW.
*few minutes later*
Me: Ma, which vegetable do you want?
Mom: I WANT NOTHING BUT THE BEST BROCCOLI TOOOOOOO.
*few minutes later*
Mom: Hey, get out the list.
Me: why... So we DON'T FORGET MEAT, I BEG
Mom: I'LL REMEMBER CAUSE YOU SAID
Me: SOMETIMES WE GROCERY SHOP AND SOMETIMES WE EAT OUT INSTEAD
Mom: *pretends to sob*
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Me: *turns on radio*
Taylor Swift: feels feels feels revenge slut-shaming more feels you broke my heart and now I'm making a catchy country tune about it yeah yeah yeah acoustic guitar
Bruno Mars: suicidal thoughts and plaid and war zones and gratuitous morphine use pain angst hurt for some reason all my songs involve me unnecessarily dying for you
Rihanna: no one cares what I'm singing about but you can assume it's a shitty metaphor for sex while I gyrate in little to no clothing on fake animals but at least it's stupidly catchy
Every single rap artist: bitches hoes in da club lots of money she wants the dick all these songs are about clubbing and sex and does anyone honestly live this lifestyle outside of music videos
Nick Minaj: hkjhkjhcw fweljfhwjhddljhd hfojencojen nieukjdh lots of fast talking in a weird accent ha ha ha pop culture reference I'm a feminist with lots of wigs and in case you haven't noticed BIG BOOBS I don't even know what I'm rapping about lol
Me: *turns off radio*
This is me every day driving to work.
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